What not to do at a stoplight! (18+)

BEFORE YOU READ THIS! PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE A MATURE AUDIENCE!!!

Ah! Spongedick Squareballs! That show is so awesome! Lets see if I can do an 800 word essay on what not to do at a stoplight! HERE I GO!

THE!!!!!

Ok not really. Onto the real thing!

The stoplight; It's the thing that tells us when to go, stop, and be ready to stop. It's that yellow thing hanging about 50 feet above the ground, and in the middle of every part of the road. Cars always get mad at the stoplight when it's red since they wanna go forward to where they wanna go as fast as they can! That is the one thing that you're really supposed to do at a stoplight.

But what about what NOT to do at a stoplight? There are so many things that we can do that we shouldn't do at one of those things! There's an infinite amount of things that we really shouldn't do. One of those things is making out with a stranger, with your car abandoned and everyone pissed off at you because you won't fucking go! Another thing we shouldn't do at a stoplight is sleeping. Sleeping means that you're going to get road raged by someone, and you wind up getting shot. Save the sleeping for the bed, where you probably cuddle up to something cute or comfortable.

To the related topic, we shouldn't sell anything at a stoplight. I know we got phones and what not, but can that wait until you're at the parking lot? I know that eBay is your best friend, but lets not die please! For love of God, please don't rape your girlfriend in the car! I'm gonna see your car rock back and forth, and I'm gonna laugh at my friend(s) because I see a couple having some hardcore sex at a fucking stoplight! We shouldn't masturbate at a stoplight either! I'd die laughing if I saw someone do that! Please put that dick away! I really don't wanna see it! Even if you were one horny chick! I'd gigity gigity to that, but you'll get too many other people into an accident because they're too focused on seeing you fap, therefore, getting the rest of the traffic to masturbate too!

Another thing that we shouldn't do at a stoplight is surf the internet! Whether it's your phone, or even a fully fledged laptop, it's going to keep you unfocused on the road, and people will hate you for it. This included, but is not limited to porn, games, and reading this stupid essay! HAH! YOU'VE JUST BEEN BUSTED! We shouldn't attempt to shoot the stoplight either. It's not gonna turn green any faster! Whoever said that driving was going to make things a lot faster. It's because we're addicted to oil, and that's why we're driving, and that's why we have stoplights, and that's why I'm writing this essay!

Now that we covered the things that we shouldn't do at a stoplight IN THE CAR, lets go over what not to do at a stoplight, OUTSIDE of the car! First, we shouldn't try to act extremely gay at a stoplight. Doing so WILL result in the loss of your pride and respect. This includes, but is not limited to wearing really short shorts and a tied shirt down to above your belly button, talking like a gay man, and trying to hit on straight guys while they're at a red light. They would take their gun and shoot you in your 1 inch dick, and you will die because your children just came out of your ball sack!

We should not play dead at a stoplight! All that's going to result in is a trip to inside of a coffin, and buried alive into your well-deserved grave! Worst case scenario, you wind up getting ran over by a huge ass truck, and you wind up dead anyways. One really funny thing that we really shouldn't do at a stoplight is to wear a Barney the Dinosaur costume and holding a sign that says "Hail Satan!" It would be the stupidest, yet, funniest thing i'd have ever seen in my life, and I would not hesitate to run your stupid, Anti-Christian ass over if you did that! To add-on to that, you'd go straight to Hell, and you can REALLY hail Satan!

The last thing that we shouldn't do at a stoplight is to be in the middle of the intersection, ass-naked, with a sign, saying "FUCK ME IN THE ASS!!" If you're reading this, you'll know that that is the most disturbing thing that any driver would ever see in their lives! If it were me, I'd do what I'd have done to the Barney costume! I'd run his ass over, then run him over again, and again, until I can't feel shit anymore!

There are many more things that we shouldn't do at a stoplight, but lets leave it up to your imagination. Lets all have a nice day, and don't do anything you've just read!

And there you go! 800 words to be exact! I bet you that my essay was written on Spongebob's essay. Oh well! Take care, Planet Earth! =D